It is not okay to pick someone else's nose

Dear He-man,

Thank you very much for having me over to your house yesterday to play. I really enjoyed playing with your wide variety of toys...I will discuss this particular issue in more detail a bit later. I was also very impressed with your crawling skills and was enchanted, quite frankly, with your graceful cruising along the side of your crib and amongst the furniture. In retrospect, however, I realize that my social inexperience may have caused a few awkward moments between us that I feel compelled now to redress. Okay, the truth is my mom had a word with me on the way home and said that I had a few apologies to make.

Number one: I now understand (after further discussion with my mom) that it is socially unacceptable to pick someone else's nose. I really have to plead ignorance on this one. I have played with the poodles in the past and they never seemed to take issue with me putting my hands and fingers all over their face. However, in my defense, their nostrils are slightly smaller and I haven't really had the opportunity to put my finger up there before. I have come to understend that this is not okay to do to people. People are not poodles. I am crystal clear on this now and promise not to do this in future.

Number two: I have come to learn that manhandling and/or sparring for a particularly interesting toy is also somewhat taboo during playdates. This is not the first time that I have appreciated your fine connoiseur-like taste in toys. I have noticed at our playdates in the past that the toys your mom brought were stimulating and yet, understated, with a subtle whiff of the educational. Therefore, given my clear appreciation (and not unsubtle envy) for your toys, I hope that you can forgive my momentary lapse in judgement which led me to physically wrestle that captivating little xylophone out of your grasp as you screamed and begged me not to. I was, quite simply, a man possessed.

In sum, I hope that the socially inappropriate gestures made by myself during our last playdate will not negatively impact our fledgling friendship. You are a dear friend who has shown me great compassion and warmth. You are also my only friend. As I am writing this and contemplating the possibility that our friendship might cease because of a few social faux pas, I find that I am crying uncontrollably. No wait...actually, is that the time? It's nap time. I cry uncontrollably at this time every day. You, of all people, can therefore understand that I must go now. Nothing comes between me and my nap...not even an epic friendship such as ours.

With warmest regards,
the Saxonator